This is the Macho Man Randy Savage,defying the laws space, time and
death to come directly into your living room with a special message!
As you know, the Macho Man was the most electrifying athlete to ever
set foot in the squared circle, OOOH YEAAH! But even that the power of
Macho Madness and multiple championship titles pales in comparison to
raw and awesome energy that I achieved after my spirit was transmuted
into a state of pure, conscious energy! OHHH YEAAAAAAH!
Achieving universal oneness wasn’t easy. In fact, breaking through the shimmering veil of reality from my earthly body was nearly as challenging as my legendary “falls count anywhere” match against George “The Animal Steel”. The Macho Man has faced many a fearsome opponent, but none so challenging as passing into the great beyond! OOOOH YEEEEAH!
You see, as the Macho Man’s spirit began to rise from his rippling,
muscled body, he felt fear for the very first time! That’s right, an
overwhelming terror of the unknown hit the Macho Man harder than the
spicy explosion of ten thousand Slim Jims™!
Darkness enveloped the Macho man, OOOOOH YEAAAAAH! He did not
understand that his spirit had been ensnared in the deadly figure four
leg lock of ego, dig it?
As he journeyed through the lower bardos, the Macho Man had never been more frightened. But just as he was about to tap out and give into the swirling chaos of the void, the Macho Man heard a booming voice call out to him. Soon, a great crystal Phoenix cloaked in auras of more
colorful than all the feather boas in the Macho Man’s walk-in closet
rose from the abyss. OOOOH YEAH!
Using thoughtwave energy forms and sacred geometry to communicate,
the being identified itself to the Macho Man as an avatar of an
ancient ascended master, OOOH YEEEEAH! It explained that the Macho Man needed to confront his worldly desires and insecurities in a
no-holds-barred, steel cage match in order to rise to a higher level
The Macho Man does not know how long it took him to triumph in that
great bout. One-by-one he let go of his fears until he could delivered
a devastating elbow drop from the top rope to his ego, OOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!
The darkness fell away. The universe and all of its secrets opened up
before the Macho Man like a glorious lotus flower of pure white
energy. It was then that the Macho Man achieved sacred oneness, and
the ultimate truth of all existence was revealed to him!
OOOOH YEEEEEEAH! Now, the Macho Man has returned to share that cosmic truth with all his fans! But that truth that cannot be easily
explained in words, dig it? It is a truth that, if revealed in it’s
entirety, would suprise the unenlightened mind like a steel chair to
back of the head from Ted Dibiasi!
But the Macho Man would never leave his fans high and dry, OOOOH NO! He is here to tell you to reject the empty lure of material
possessions, love one another, live in peace, and never miss the
chance to enjoy the in-your-face flavor of the new XTREME TABASCO SLIM JIM™!
Namaste Macho Fans, and SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!